Six Sexy Relics
Joining WWβs Sex Bandwagon ooh la laβ¦
A number of artifacts presented for your delectation. Most of these involve anxiety, vows, or shame, which I'm sure doesn't mean anything.
The Nonpareil
A gorgeous necklace of silver. Seven rose quartzes with asterism hang from the chain.
Simply wearing it appears to enhance oneβs allure and erotic prowess. It is as if a glamer shows the onlooker what they wish to see. Suitors, admirers, and pursuers flock from all over simply to bask in the wearerβs presence. Those who previously paid no heed to the wearer now regard them as an intriguing romantic prospect.
However, it is said to carry a terrible curse: no matter how many are wooed or bedded, its owner is plagued by paranoia that the necklace is all that draws their lovers to them. The necklace also seems to inflame jealousy of others who covet the wearerβs romantic successes, or are rivals for a particular partner.
In truth, the necklace has no enchantment, and can be removed at any time.
Ring of the Onanist
A grimy pearl ring made of an opalescent iron.
The arm bearing the ring becomes significantly more powerful and muscular, allowing the bearer to climb more ably, deliver ogrish blows, among other things. It is coveted by the most jaded of perverts.
Bearers of the ring are regarded as wretched and filthy beasts, worthy only of scorn. In time, they embrace their dissolution, and forget having lived any other way.
Puritanβs Spritz
A tawny magic draught that tastes of dry cider and graham crackers. For an hour, the drinker is blessed with insight into the venereal appetites of those they look upon, but becomes tongue-tied when attempting to discuss such topics. It is used by the prudish and to ferret out deviants, and by deviants for the same purpose.
Overindulging in the Spritzβmore than three in a full moonβcauses the reverse effect: all who look upon the drinker will know their tastesβnot the least of which includes snooping in othersβ affairs. Isn't that what you wanted all along?
Holy Mattress-Money
A pair of china swans with their necks wound about one another. Often gifted to newlyweds by witches well-meaning or otherwise. Despite the old wivesβ protests, it still works out of wedlock.
When placed underneath a conjugal bed, the swans lay an egg every morning. The egg is filled with gold coins so long as the couple sleeps together. It is not a great amount, but is enough to make ends meet.
Should one partner take another lover to the bed with the swans beneath, a great windfall appears, but the charm is broken forever. The offending partner will fritter away the remaining money trying to win the cuckold/quean back.
The Cage of the Perfect Knight
A chastity belt of adamant, etched with scenes of forests and deer. The key must be given to an object of oneβs courtly love in a public declaration. Both the keyholder and the wearer will always know of each othersβ location, and if the other lives; they are also considered virginal and without sin as long as the spell remains intact.
Both the keyholder and the wearer must conduct themselves in a lawful and virtuous manner, though temptation becomes unbearable as time wears on. Should the relationship ever be consummated, the magic is broken.
Polymaille
A shirt of shimmering chain that glitters with many colors. In ancient times, it was said that fighting beside a lover would stoke a hopliteβs valor. It stands to reason then that fighting alongside many lovers would make them invincible!
Lovers may weave links from their own suit of maille into the suit of another. For each lover linked, the wearer can cheat injury. After battle, the links can be replaced.
When a phalanx is comprised entirely of those who have linked their maille, Ares and Venus guide their spears to great feats. While afflicted with such divine furor, they fight and rut like wild beasts until the morning after battle.