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Play Report Apr 28 2026 - Crow's Keep #34

Introduction

Ran this session from behind a KN-95 following a pretty rough week of illness. However, it was worth the wait: the table brewed their first orc! This has been haunting the campaign since the very first session.

Wizards are always hard for me to run, but I feel fairly satisfied with Papa Doorknocker's plan of "gas 'em, turn invisible, and run." Aislinn's player burned Luck to try and suss out bloody footprints from the overturned cauldron, which allowed them to block his escape. They were able to kill them before he started spamming lightning bolts and swinging for 2d6 with his staff. A good thing too! I still think maybe there's some additional bullshit I could have pulled, but maybe that will be for a future iteration of Crow's Keep.

I had a ton of fun portraying the orcs this session. For most of the campaign, the players have not directly interacted with them, though orcs have been present at some pivotal moments. My "orc voice" is always a crowd-pleaser.

Central to this play report is a spell my very own creation: the spell brew orc, which will be detailed in another post. You can read more about the orcs of Crow's Keep here.

I also rolled on a "didn't make it out of the dungeon" table as the session ran a little long. I generally have about two and half hours for this game, so such a table is a perfect fit. Naturally, I used the one from d4Caltrops. It also dovetailed nicely with the laboratory they found themselves in. I need to figure out how this interacts with the curse-breaking bread from Saint Olim's, of course, as there was already talk of trying it.

Report

In attendance:

And any hirelings, henchmen, retainers

With the Ogre-whelming Force reconvened for action, it was time to return to the Caves of Chaos and settle a score with the orcs! Boris was still beholden to Maldraakis the dragon and was compelled to take back the staff Uzelin from the orc wizard, Papa Doorknocker. Moreover, the Force hoped to strike down the wizard and prevent the orcs from brewing more of themselves.

However, academic curiosity came first. Tan gathered the necessary materials and brought the party to the long-abandoned cabin of the late Mad Hermit John. The elf's fell purpose? Brrewing orcs of his own!

Despite a false start and a failed initial batch, Tan brewed two runty orcs over two grueling days. The two green-skinned orclings were christened Little Boy and War Fuel by the Force. They were soon outfitted with weapons and were eager to destroy their Papa's enemies. They were easily bored, squabbled often, and were constantly hungry. The band hoped that this would not turn out to be a mistake...

From there, the band proceeded to the Caves of Chaos. In the night, they were nearly accosted by roving orcs looking for food and plunder, but Aislinn was able to amaze them with tales of slaying gnolls. Their suspicions allayed, the warband moved on to find prey elsewhere.

As Aislinn had already been partially transformed into an orc, she hatched one of her trademark plans of disguise and trickery: she and Tan's orcs would pose as escorts of the band, with Tan to feign a delivery of the Necronomicon facsimile to Papa.

Gutripper, a flawlessly brewed orc of mighty stature, now ruled the consolidated orc gang. He challenged Aislinn and the little orcs, but ultimately was satisfied with the cover story. This allowed the band to explore the complex and search for Papa, though they couldn't ask where he was for fear of giving up the ruse.

Papa Doorknocker's lair was hidden behind a false shelf in a storeroom, a humble entrance that belied the darkness within. The Force was greeted by a blind orc of advanced age with an enormous nose ring, attired in roughly-patched and tailored robes. He was ready for the band, though, for when Tan proffered the facsimile, Doorknocker knocked the book into the orc-cauldron and upended it, setting an orc-heap upon the band!

In the ensuing melee, Doorknocker cast a spell to fill the room with choking poison gas, then became invisible. He taunted the band, boasting that he had been scrying upon them since they had breached Zelligar's sanctum. Aislinn moved to block the other exit into the Curseblood lair, while Boris and Bart corralled the wizard into a corner. The orc-heap cut short War Fuel's brief life with a fearsome blow. Kaledar impaled Doorknocker with a paralyzing spear, and Boris was knocked out cold from asphyxiation. With Doorknocker dispatched, the gas began to clear, but the

From Papa's death-grip, the Ogre-whelming Force took Uzelin, a staff of freezing-cold star-metal; and an silver amulet in the shape of three superimposed dead rats, a magic charm against poison that had allowed Papa to survive even within the gas.

With Gutripper and his gang beating down the door, the band dug prepared themselves for a last stand. A desperate and chaotic fight to escape followed, thoroughly wrecking Papa Doorknocker's laboratory. All manner of potions and magic powders were spilled, resulting in odd mutations and changes to the Force. Though they all managed to slip through during a lull in the fighting, they acquired the following afflictions:

#b2 #crow's keep #dcc #play reports